Contrary to popular opinion, children do ‘hear’ what we say. It’s true. Our out loud words do travel into their tiny ear drums.
Try this experiment. Say something you would NOT like repeated. If they are a baby, it will probably become their first word. A toddler will proclaim it loudly in a store line-up. An elementary student will cheerfully share it the next day during show and tell.
Yet other times parents hit a wall, convinced NO. ONE. IS. LISTENING.
We may be tempted to wave a white flag of surrender.
Maybe we have tried to shape our children’s character. But they get bent out of shape. Or we ask our kids to pick up their socks for the gazillionth time. After an entire day of refereeing siblings when we long to hand in our whistle and jersey.
Whatever the situation, we have all felt it. Unbridled discouragement, believing we are simply not getting through.
My good friend Lisa was discouraged recently, with a season of sibling squabbles. She was convinced her words were falling on deaf ears.
Until her children did the unthinkable.
They proved they had been listening all along.
What happens when we don’t referee?
Yesterday while my husband and I were doing yard work, the children were left with the task of tidying up inside. It was a good two hours before I ventured inside to see how they were doing, because all I could hear from outside was laughter and some rambunctious game they were playing. Everything seemed fine.
An hour earlier it had not been.
It turns out all three had the fight of the century, the worst one ever, as each sibling took verbal blows at the other.
No one was left unscathed by hurtful words.
It was so bad apparently, that they all sent themselves to different rooms away from each other to cool down. (oh how cute is that?)
The children made peace…and much more
When they reconvened in the hallway they decided they needed to do better at loving one another, so they came up with a genius and very specific “OPERATION HAPPY SIBLING CONTRACT” to keep each other accountable.
I was blown away with their desire to treat each other better and to see what they value. It feels like the best gift they could have ever given me. And I love that they thought of it on their own without parental suggestion.
Some of my favourite parts of the contract:
- “You can only sometimes pretend to not know one another when the other is acting crazy in public”
“If I am sad everyone available will partake in slime making”
“No fake tickling without consent”
“Warning! if any terms /conditions are broken the violator must pick up all dog poos alone!”
This contract is now hanging on the inside of our front door so everyone can be reminded of it – their idea, not mine!
I am one happy Mama.
In hard parenting moments, remember this.
Mamas – don’t you dare give up.
You may be one moment away from your epic breakthrough.
Tomorrow may be your day.
The day when they willingly pick up their socks, or sit still for a picture (just joking! we all know that’s never gonna happen) or push a younger sibling on the swing without negotiating payment first.
Our children are listening.
All those times we say:
- Treat each other the way you would like to be treated
- Show respect to your siblings
- Please don’t sit on your brother’s head
They are listening.
Sometimes we need to give them a chance to prove it.
Allow time for lessons to simmer. Give children space for a win. Let them work together to solve problems and practice using the tools you have modelled.
Believe that your words have made a difference, even if it is unseen for a season. Trust that your lessons will not return void – your children are listening.
And when your victory happens, share it with other Moms to spread hope. Hope that we really are getting through – one word at a time.
Dawn DawnBlogtopus says
I had been wondering where you were hiding! Glad to see you back!
Thanks for the welcome back Dawn. Crazy journey, this parenting!
Allison Simao says
Thank you for the way that you model what it is to live, to learn and to parent. Your transparency, wisdom and humour are a source of encouragement as I daily find myself in the fray.:)
Thanks Allison. Your words are always lifegiving to this Mama.
Karen, It is so hard to juggle everything! Glad you backed up to focus on your family cause that’s most important. Thanks for sharing your friend s story. It is vital to remember that we are being effective as moms…we just may not see the fruit immediately:) Enjoyed your post!
You are so right, Miranda! It’s hard to be patient for fruit, isn’t it? My 5-year-old planted a bean seed 3 months ago and it has only yielded 2 beans so far….glad he had other things to occupy his life while he was waiting for the growth! 😉