I like to dance naked.
This could have been a sweet whisper made by my four-year-old privately in the safety of our home.
Except it wasn’t. It was his cheerful declaration to a room full of people as my husband’s boss formally introduced us to the staff.
Lucky for me, my husband jumped in with a timely rebuttal of “He gets that from his Mom.” Lucky for him our couch is comfortable.
Cute, innocent moments make great stories.
Like the time I asked my toddler where his tic tac went before the closing prayer at church. To which he pointed to his teeny, tiny tic-tac shaped nostril. {sidenote: dissolving mint burns slightly}.
Or when my youngest blurted out to our neighbour, “Sometimes my mom beats me” – referring to board games, NOT wooden spoon discipline.
And let’s not forget the time I hadn’t packed spare pants in the diaper bag and had to stuff my toddler’s legs into the arms of his winter coat so we didn’t have to leave the Mommy group early.
Or the time….that is likely about to happen today that I don’t even know about yet.
Failing can be funny.
Except when it isn’t.
What about the times we hope the earth will open up and swallow us whole because we are embarrassed, or worse, ashamed. Suddenly wins of the day vanish and failures whisper on repeat if we let them.
Raising tiny humans is hard. Being vulnerable is hard. Doing our best every minute of every day is hard. It’s not that we expected it to be easy, right? But maybe just not this hard?
So we draw hope from friends in the same stage. The ones we can shoot a knowing look as our little ones gear up for an epic mall freak out. Or the ones we call when our husbands accidentally eats the last cookie we had already promised to Little Bear. We huddle with those who really understand.
We embrace the fact that we are all frayed. And we try to breathe deeply, embracing frailty. We seek out hope.
Can this community rally together without criticism or critics? Can this be a place of hope where we learn from each other? I hope so. Because don’t we all need a place where we can be real about the hashtagmomfails? A place where parenting can feel less lonely?
This was my dream when I carved out this tiny corner of the online world. I wanted you to feel safe to share and I wanted to feel the same way. And since my topics tend to be encouraging and not controversial, I guess I naively didn’t see this coming.
This comment was recently posted here:
<Ironic you have a parenting website when…..[insert personal attack on one of my kids] >
Ugh.
For a moment, judgment trampled my hope. This no longer felt like a safe place. I wanted to hide in the darkness and choose to journey alone again. I wanted to run for cover and tattle on this schoolyard bully. Isn’t it striking how quickly pain can make us regress?
But I know better. I know that nothing good can come from isolation and withdrawing.
So to the one who hoped to post this publicly to hurt me, I need you to know I am sorry.
I am sorry you had to hide behind an anonymous comment to send me a message you felt I needed to hear. Technology sure makes this easy instead of us having a real conversation that could bring clarity or at least understanding.
I am sorry you felt I was claiming to be an expert on raising children. Truthfully, I call it a good day when everyone wears underwear and has matching socks. I am simply a Mom, ankle deep in her own journey. And I’m trying to offer hope and humour to others whether they are wading in the muck or enjoying a mountain view.
I am sorry I gave your words too much weight. That I let them sucker-punch the joy out of the lifegiving day I was having with my boys. I am especially sorry I paused my day to be online at all.
///
dear mom
To all the moms who have felt the sting of judgment, from a stranger or a friend, through loathing eyes or an all-caps cruel font….I’m sorry for your pain. I know this small example pales in comparison to what many of you have experienced.
We teach our children the power of words, yet sometimes forget ourselves. Sticks and stones and all that.
For those moments when you want to hide, when those blanket covers call you to safety, I understand.
Just breathe.
Take care of precious you. Do something lifegiving. Hug your little one. Smell the flowers. And when you are ready, step back out into the light.
Share with those who will love your unravelled bits unconditionally and help knit you back together.
And know that there is a loving God who wants to help to heal your heart. Whether you have been bruised or pummelled, pour a coffee and sip some truth from this song.
How do you process judgment in a healthy way (instead of running to hide)? I’d love some suggestions.
May I offer you more hope for your journey?
Love you girl. May God cover you under his feathers and sing over you his words of comfort, about how much you are loved by him just the way you are, and how strong you are in spite of your weaknesses because of his grace; and when others proudly say that they have it all together, and point fingers that you don’t, may God’s assurance rest on you, that you can glory in your short comings because Chirst’s power equips you and rests on you. May God reconfirm to you, that all you need is him and his cheering, and may God make the lies and attacks powerless to touch you in anyway, in Jesus name. ❤️
Thank you for these powerful words Esther. That means a lot.
Amen!
Amen
Karen,
I appreciate your humor and your openness. That was brave of your to process what had been said and also to be able to disregard what you knew wasn’t true about you.
Ok, so seriously your husband said that about you and dancing!! Hehee!
Thanks Miranda. I wrote this post slowly and let it simmer to make sure this would add value to others and not be a platform to vent. Yep – my husband really said that. The sad thing was – I was about to say it about HIM but I held my tongue (which is a miracle for me) 😉
We all have our ups and downs (and embarrassing and humiliating and cringe-worthy moments) as human beings, never mind as moms. It’s important that we forgive ourselves in these moments, especially if God already has! And with a little perspective, most of the time, these moments aren’t as bad as we thought. To take a line from your posted song: “Yesterday is a closing door, you don’t live there anymore.” You keep doing what you’re doing: the people who care about you and love you are the ones that matter in this world. Try and let the petty and jealous comments roll off of you. Don’t take these comments to heart. It is indeed too easy to be brave behind the internet, but it takes real courage to share your personal stories with the world. Keep going, Karen. I love your blogs!
That means a lot Jenny. I hope this will encourage other Moms to keep going too – and to close the door on their yesterday as well. I know that is easier to do on some days than others.
Yes!
Karen, I simply love what you’ve got going on here! When my kids were younger I would have so appreciated your honesty and openness. Sidenote: you can also share your woes/ craziness/frustrations with us oldies who have adult kids, because we have totally been there. And we lived to tell the tale. 😉 So keep doing what you’re doing, and listen to God’s voice— because He’ll drown out all the petty negative voices every time. I’m delighted to have popped in from Hope*Writers 🙂
Thank you for this encouragement, Laura. You are so right – there are many times when I need the encouragement of those further down the road. Community is a beautiful thing. Thanks for coming over from Hope*Writers!
Wow Karen, someone actually said this to you? Amazing what cowards will do when hiding under anonymity. And gosh, you don’t give off the vibe at all that you’re a parenting expert. You’re clearly sharing your experience as a mom, an experience not one single person on the planet is perfect at.
I think your response here is incredibly brave and vulnerable and full of grace. Keep keeping on and let haters hate. It’s more about them than it is about you anyway.
Thanks for this encouragement, Marianne. I think this represents a whole societal problem where it seems acceptable to leave Hit and Run comments. No time to stay at the scene of the accident and no desire to have conversations that are real (and two-sided).
And if it had been just cruel to me, that would have been much less painful – the fact that it targeted my teen took this to a whole other level. Not a big deal compared to what so many other Moms are facing, but I wanted to encourage other Moms who struggle with just wanting to hide.
Appreciate you.
Right that’s what makes this person even more shameful! That they would attack someone’s child in this manner. If they have a problem with you and your child, they should be speaking to you about it in private, not blasting their own personal issues on the internet like this. Again, that’s what cowards do.
I think receiving negative, hateful comments is a sign of a successful blog! So, I guess congratulations are in order 😊 But, seriously Karen, your writing is such an encouragement. You have a beautiful way of relating with others and helping us realize we are not alone on our parenting journey. I appreciate you!
Your responses are always so thoughtful April. You see what I am trying to do and make me feel like it’s connecting. Mamas unite!
Absolutely!
Hi Karen, Thanks once again. You are a Great mom and a Blessing to many others.
I recently got three Critical private messages about stuff I post on Facebook from someone. I also use Facebook as an encouragement to others.. I was hurt at first but the Lord and my husband and kids encouraged and helped me to Move on from it. They told me, I am not responsible for other people’s perspectives or assumptions.. to keep on doing what I feel led to do because it makes my heart happy and Blesses many others.. we are all Blessed to Be a Blessing to one another… and You are a Beautiful Blessing to many of us mothers..
I LOVE to read of the adventures your children take you on and how you deal with it. Have a Blessed day! <3
Thanks Farida. I really appreciate your kindness. So sorry you have been criticized for what you are trying to do. Hugs!
Love your blog and LOVE the higher message in this story!
We live in a world today where sadly too many hide behind a keyboard to express what
they dont have the courage to do in person. We must develop thick skin and guard our hearts in this age of technological ‘spiritual warfare’, or be wounded time and time again from hurtful attacks against ourselves or our loved ones.
I take comfort knowing The Lord sees everything and knows the intent of our hearts. And those anonymous keyboard critics.
Shoring up our inner strength spiritually and walking in the Armour of God daily is our recourse for rebuffing lifes ‘arrows’.
I absolutely LOVE your humour and writing!
Keep up the GREAT WORK ALL IN LARGE CAPS!!!
Thanks so much for your encouragement, Gillian. And your use of ALL CAPS in a positive way ministers to my heart. Hugs!
So much good about this post. This was my favorite line:
“I am sorry I gave your words too much weight. That I let them sucker-punch the joy out of the lifegiving day I was having with my boys. I am especially sorry I paused my day to be online at all.”
I can so, so relate to each of these 3 little statements… Maybe especially that last one.
It’s a hard line we walk, isn’t it?!
Blessings to you.
You are so right, Susan. It is a hard line. So many choices and emotions to balance as Moms. Thank you for taking the time to share what encouraged you – it means to world to this Mom.