I recently asked a group of moms what word they would use to describe parenting teenagers. The number one answer? Parenting teens is challenging.
Know what else is challenging? Having a mammogram.
Young women who have not yet had a mammogram, or male readers, you may want to sit this one out. #fairwarning
Recently, my day began with a school meeting, a pelvic ultrasound and then a mammogram.
You know that moment when you have amazing experiences you would love to endlessly reenact? Maybe your own personal Groundhog Day filled with cotton candy and rainbows?
This was like that…but exactly the opposite.
Since this particular mammogram went slightly off-script, I turned to writing therapy.
And I discovered the parallel between parenting teenagers and having this procedure is simply uncanny.
[UPDATE: All results were perfect – thank you concerned friends]
Both require you bare yourself
One moment you feel covered and dignified and next moment you are exposed and vulnerable. You may find yourself wearing a short crunchy paper vest that opens in the front, or worse, feeling out of touch and irrelevant.
Vulnerability is hard.
Parenting teens is challenging and exactly like having a mammogram.
You are so not in control
My sweet technician said, “Don’t try to help me. The more you try to help, the worse it gets.” I tried to cooperate. Who wants to tick off someone armed with a growly boob flattener?
But the more instructions she gave me the worse it got. “Move forward. No! Not with your feet. Your feet are not supposed to move. Move forward. LEAN forward. Just relax. Make sure you relax!“ I was half expecting, “This hurts me more than it hurts you.”
And how do teens respond to parental help 9 times out of 10? EXACTLY the same! They protest indignantly – out loud with glares. “Don’t try to help me. The more you try the worse it gets.” Although I didn’t see the technician roll her eyes, the message was the very same.
Parenting teens is challenging and exactly like having a mammogram.
On the plus side, we can keep our shirts on when trying to help our teens.
First impressions can be wrong
The first two mammogram images were relatively easy to position. I felt like a professional mammogram-ee. What were all those women complaining about? Maybe invincible breasts were my undiscovered superpower.
To bridge the awkwardness of nudity (me) and fully clothed (her) I confidently said, “My babies were all over 10 pounds so I can handle pain.” Like a fool.
She shot me a look I now understand meant “Just wait for the next pose.”
As a parent? We have all met some who claim parenting is smooth in the early years. They make comments like, “My three-week-old sleeps through the night” or “My toddler prefers veggies to treats.”
Hold off on your starry-eyed conclusions until the offspring have been on this planet for 12-15 years.* Don’t start your victory dance yet, Pollyanna.
*times are approximate and may vary depending on individuals
Parenting teens is challenging and exactly like having a mammogram.
Pain can be unexpected
On our second last image with the torture device. I mumbled a quick apology to the left breast that was about to be plated and squished beyond recognition. And this deluxe package include a large scoop of armpit skin. As the scanning mechanism lowered, a shocking pain shot through my right breast. WHAT? HOW WAS THAT POSSIBLE? It wasn’t even on the Tray of Torture.
That sweet little innocent bystander got pinched through no fault of its own, other than being fairly – um – curvy. I carefully cradled my right boob and brought it to safety, shushing “…there, there.”
We restarted the entire process of scoop, press, plate, squish. While bracing for pain in my western hemisphere, I didn’t consider the upcoming searing eastern jab that took my breath away. I was caught completely off-guard.
True also with parenting teens. We might expect a little eye roll after a reminder to do chores, or pushback on curfew. When out of nowhere vengeful words might catch us off-guard. We may be pummeled with “You never” or icy silence we didn’t see coming.
Teenage words can swing from lifegiving to break-this-Mama’s-heart and back again. All before breakfast. As our teens work out their big emotions, we can be innocent bystanders, often caught in the crossfire.
Parenting teens is challenging and exactly like having a mammogram.
What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger
I am thankful for my labcoated meanie. Yes, she made me tear up, but it was for a good cause. Her mission is clear and her mandate is simple. I will be a better person for having gone through this. I will receive reassuring results or I will be informed of concerns as early as possible. Either way, I did the responsible, life-honouring thing.
I am also richly thankful for my teenagers – the two I have and the two that will be at this stage in a heartbeat. They make me stronger. And brave and unrelenting.
And because parenting teenagers is challenging, I am becoming a wisdom collector. My library card hasn’t had this much use since we discovered Elephant and Piggie years ago. I am rethinking strategies that once worked and learning to give space without being distant. I’m drawing from the wisdom of a few trusted friends who are one step ahead in the journey. And I’m fighting relentlessly to go next-level as Mom and man cubs.
Will there be tears? Definitely. But with teens, at least some will be happy ones.
P.S. Parenting teens can be less like having a mammogram. Stay connected and infuse your relationship with quick wins. Grab your copy here:
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Related articles that have absolutely nothing to do with mammograms.
“Invincible breasts…superpower”? I have no words. Only tears. (Of laughter.). I will never look at a mammogram the same way again. And, yes, parenting teens (and tweens) makes us vulnerable and so not in control! Both parenting and mammograms humble us thoroughly.
You made my day, Ashley. Yep – exponentially humbling. It helps to be in the club together.
Karen, I think we may have had the same technician! I love the parallel between teens and the boob-squisher, and the thought of it may even make me smile in the middle of the next ‘teen moment’. I wonder how the teen of that moment will take the explanation of my small, Mona-Lisa smile while they are ranting?! I’ll blame it on Lightly Frayed!
Thanks Carlene – have to say – this was a fun piece to write. I can completely picture you handling the next interaction with a poised Mona Lisa grin – we’re in this together!
Thank you for that laugh girl!! I’ve had the pelvic ultrasound and mammogram and am heading into the teen years 😳 Feeling a whole lot more prepared now 😂👍😘
Here’s to feeling prepared but not afraid. And to laughing about the invasiveness of procedures for women – sigh.
I had to wait for the tears (of laughter) to clear so I could see what I was typing! Honestly, I love analogies and parallels and THIS – I have no words! It is priceless and so positively accurate! Why I never saw the similarities is beyond me but move forward brave mama! You’ve got this! Thank you for making my day!
Hey Lori – thanks for chiming in! I just read a fabulous post today about how children are like pineapples. From one analogy lover to another, here’s to bravery in any form!
And special thanks for giving this post a big thumbs up on the Wednesday link up – much appreciated!
My pleasure! Keep up the great writing!
Reading this made me cringe in pain! I have no desire to get a mammogram, but I do like the comparison between parenting and getting a painful test done. Boy, do those teenagers test our limits!
Thanks for joining #WanderingWednesday with Confessions of Parenting! 🙂
Thanks for coming over to our lightlyfrayed space. Sorry for the cringing – learning lots in this journey as a mom of teens. PS I love parenting teens way more than having a mammogram. Just saying…
wisdom. humour. I can especially relate to: “Don’t try to help me. The more you help…” oops I meddled again. How many times will my middle teen have to implore me NOT to email (a teacher… a friend’s parent…) without telling him/asking him first before I “get the message”?
Um. Yes. It can take us a while to break some habits of years gone by. We used to HAVE to do all the communicating, especially when issues came up. But – sigh – here’s to moving onto that next level. And here’s to our kids rising to greater responsibility at the next level. (so we won’t feel compelled to call the teachers, amIright?
Ohmigosh! You are so spot-on with all of your comparisons (I had a mammogram recently and I’m still dealing with the trauma of it). I love your wit and wisdom!
Dealing…is a good way to describe the post-mammogram feelings!
This was hilarious and so true! I scheduled on our FB page for later this morning:)
Aw thanks, Melanie. Good grief I still squirm thinking back to that day. Off to get Baby Shark in my head so I can think about something else.
“I’m drawing from the wisdom of a few trusted friends who are one step ahead in the journey.“
Love this, it reminds me of Titus 2:3-5. I’ll need to come around here again when I’m there with my own kids and self.
My welcome mat will always be waiting for you Jace. So thankful for women who have held my hand through the next step and I love to do that for the next in line.
Such a great article, Karen. As a “survivor” of parenting three teens who are now wonderful, loving, and thoughtful adults…I can attest to the many ways that parenting teens is like having a mammogram. Thanks for the laughs and the memories that were triggered!
How we need reminders from “survivors” of this stage like yourself, Patricia. That our work of parenting matters. That we can ride the waves of the tough stuff, knowing the waves eventually settle. And that the adult children on the other side of the wake will be worth it all. Always love hearing your voice in this space.
What an hilarious comparison! Karen, you’re gifted; keep on writing and making people laugh!
Aw – appreciate your encouragement, Elda. I still cringe when I imagine the pain of that day…Gulp.